how to last longer in bed

14 tips to help you last longer in bed

What is the average ejaculation time?

Your sex life is supposed to be about pleasure and intimacy, but as many of us know, it can also be a source of anxiety, especially if you find that you can’t last long enough to satisfy your partner, which could be a sign of premature ejaculation (PE). Fortunately, there are methods and treatments available that can help you last longer. Read on to learn more.

You might wonder if the time it takes you to ejaculate is “normal.” But there isn’t a definitive answer to what an average ejaculation time looks like.

One study collected data from men in five countries to assess the average time to ejaculation. They found that most men ejaculated after four minutes or more from the moment of penetration. Another study involving 500 couples found that the average time until ejaculation during vaginal sex ranged from 3 to 7 minutes.

However, these numbers don’t tell the whole story. The studies only looked at heterosexual couples, meaning that many other demographics weren’t included. Additionally, the time measured only covered penetrative vaginal sex, without accounting for time spent on foreplay.

Another factor to consider is that society often gives us a skewed perception of how long sex should last. While the idea of “going all night” might seem appealing, most people find that sex lasting up to 13 minutes is ideal, with anything beyond that being too long. That said, some people struggle to last more than a few seconds during penetrative sex. If you find yourself in this situation, or if you can’t delay ejaculation long enough for both you and your partner to enjoy sex, it might be worth trying some tips and techniques to help you last longer in bed.

To find the right strategy, you need to identify the root of your concern. Some methods will focus on you, while others will address your partner’s pleasure.

Tips for lasting longer in bed

1. Use more foreplay

If you’re concerned about your partner’s satisfaction, incorporating or increasing foreplay is a great strategy. Trying out sex positions they enjoy or enhancing communication to discover new ones together can also be effective. This is particularly relevant for heterosexual couples, as there tends to be a difference in how long it takes men and women to reach orgasm.

Generally, women require direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm and may find it more challenging to finish from penetrative sex alone, since the clitoris doesn’t directly contact the penis during penetration. A survey of over 50,000 people found that only 18% of women reported experiencing an orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.

Starting with fingerplay, oral sex, or asking your partner what they enjoy is a great way to bridge the orgasm gap and improve sexual satisfaction, ensuring you last long enough for both of you to enjoy the experience.

2. Try edging

Edging can help extend the time it takes to orgasm, although it requires practice to master. Edging involves getting very close to ejaculation, then stopping until the sensation subsides. These pauses can help calm things down and prolong the sexual session.

You can try different edging methods, such as the stop-start method, where you pause sex or masturbation until the urge to finish subsides. Another method is the squeeze technique, where you or your partner squeezes the head of your penis until you feel ready to continue.

3. Bring sex toys into the bedroom

If there’s a timing gap between when you finish and when your partner does, using a toy they enjoy can help bridge the gap. The great thing about sex toys is their variety. You can try using a vibrator during sex or foreplay to help your partner reach their peak more quickly.

4. Masturbate before sex

This approach may require some experimentation. Try finding a time to masturbate that’s close enough to sex so that you’re not overly stimulated, but still leaves enough time for you to get excited and enjoy the experience as you should.

5. Use thicker condoms

Thicker condoms create a more significant barrier, which may decrease the intensity of sensation during sex. If the sensations are less intense than usual, it could take longer to ejaculate. That’s why thicker condoms are often marketed for extended pleasure.

While there’s little research to support this method, it may be worth a try. One study involving men across five countries found no connection between condom use and ejaculation time, but it didn’t focus on people with PE. Participants also weren’t specifically asked to use thicker condoms.

Although studies don’t definitively prove thicker condoms work, there’s little harm in trying them since condoms are inexpensive and offer the added benefit of protecting against sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

6. Explore different sex positions

There’s a reason people say, “Variety is the spice of life.” Applying that motto in the bedroom can help you last longer. Changing sex positions naturally slows things down, even if only for a moment, which may help you pull back from the “point of no return.” Plus, different positions can be more or less stimulating for you or your partner. You might even discover a new favorite position (or two)!

7. Strengthen your pelvic floor muscles

There’s a physical aspect to PE that hasn’t historically received much attention—your pelvic floor muscles. Strengthening these muscles could help improve PE.

Kegels are a good pelvic floor exercise and aren’t just for women. To perform kegels, focus on lifting and pulling in your pelvic floor muscles without using your back or butt muscles to help. Squeeze the muscles as if you’re trying to hold in urine or prevent yourself from passing gas. That squeeze is your pelvic floor muscles contracting.

Repeat the squeeze 10–15 times, holding each for three seconds and relaxing for three seconds. Do this at least three times daily. It’s okay if you can’t do a full set of 15 kegels on your first day. Keep practicing and work your way up.

8. Try benzocaine wipes

These wipes contain benzocaine as the active ingredient, which has a mild numbing effect. Benzocaine wipes are typically used on the most sensitive parts of the penis, such as the frenulum, which is the connective tissue on the underside of the penis that runs between the head and shaft. Use these wipes about five minutes before sex, ensuring the substance dries before sex to avoid transferring it to your partner.

Preliminary research on these wipes is promising. In one study, the average time to ejaculation doubled for participants after two months of using them. Participants also reported less performance anxiety and better control over their orgasms when using the wipes.

9. Use numbing creams or sprays

Similar to benzocaine wipes, various other desensitizing products are available. Promescent, a topical desensitizer spray used on the penis, delays orgasm.

There are also creams available. These mild numbing agents decrease sensitivity, so orgasms don’t occur as quickly. The primary active ingredients in these products are lidocaine and benzocaine, both mild anesthetics used to treat PE.

10. Consider weight management if you have overweight

Studies have shown a link between premature ejaculation and metabolic syndrome, which refers to a group of health conditions often associated with being overweight or obese. These conditions include:

• Abdominal obesity
• High blood pressure
• High blood sugar levels, prediabetes, and diabetes
• High blood triglycerides, or “bad” cholesterol
• Low HDL, or “good” cholesterol

In one study, people with metabolic syndrome were twice as likely to experience premature ejaculation. If you have obesity, improving your physical shape and losing weight may help you last longer in bed, with the added benefit of increasing your sexual stamina. Quitting smoking and exercising more have also been shown to enhance erectile function.

11.  Drink more coffee

If you don’t already drink coffee, now might be a good time to start. One small study found that drinking 100 mg of caffeine, which is about one cup of strong coffee, two hours before intercourse helped participants last significantly longer during sex before ejaculating.

However, be careful not to overdo it with caffeine. Experts suggest that 400 mg of caffeine is a safe daily amount. Exceeding that could lead to unpleasant side effects, like an increased heart rate. If coffee isn’t your preference, other drinks might help you last longer in bed.

12. Consider medication

For some people, prescription medication may be necessary to treat premature ejaculation. Although no FDA-approved medications specifically target PE, some providers prescribe PDE5 inhibitors, such as sildenafil (brand name Viagra), which are popular erectile dysfunction drugs.

Additionally, antidepressants like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) might be recommended as an off-label treatment.

13. Look into adult circumcision

Circumcision might seem like an extreme option, but one study involving over 1,000 men with premature ejaculation suggests it has merit. Participants were divided into two groups, with one group undergoing adult circumcision (removal of the penis foreskin). A one-year follow-up showed that the circumcised group reported longer-lasting sex, better control over ejaculation, and improved sexual satisfaction.

However, other studies have found conflicting results, indicating that a foreskin might actually help you last longer. More research is needed to clarify these findings.

14. Talk to a therapist

If lifestyle changes aren’t helping you last longer in bed, consider consulting a therapist. For some men, underlying mental health issues like stress, anxiety, and depression can interfere with their ability to last as long as they would like during sex. Premature ejaculation can further contribute to that stress and anxiety. Working with a psychotherapist can help you regain control over your mental health, making life and sex more enjoyable.

If the cause is physical, a certified sex therapist can guide you through techniques such as biofeedback, visualizations, cognitive distraction, and others that can help you last longer in bed.

What is PE?

Premature ejaculation (PE) is the most common form of sexual dysfunction among men, affecting roughly one in three individuals with a penis. PE occurs when a man ejaculates sooner than he or his partner would prefer during sexual activity. While occasional episodes of PE are typically not a cause for concern, frequent occurrences can lead to significant distress for the individual and their partner. If PE is consistently affecting your sexual satisfaction, it may be helpful to consult a healthcare provider to explore the various treatment options available.

Causes and Risk Factors of Premature Ejaculation (PE)

While the exact causes of premature ejaculation (PE) are not fully understood, several risk factors have been identified.

One key factor is low levels of serotonin, a hormone that plays a significant role in stabilizing mood. Medical experts believe that lower levels of serotonin can hasten the ejaculation process. This is why selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which increase serotonin levels, are often used as a treatment for PE.

Other potential risk factors include abnormal hormone levels and prostate inflammation. However, the psychological aspect of PE is particularly significant. This condition is frequently linked to psychological issues such as anxiety, depression, and stress.

Everyday mental health stressors can also impact sexual stamina. These stressors might include poor body image, low self-confidence, and relationship problems. Additionally, a history of sexual abuse may increase the likelihood of experiencing PE.

Foods to Help You Last Longer in Bed

When it comes to erectile dysfunction, maintaining a heart-healthy diet that promotes good blood flow is known to support stronger erections. But what about PE? Are there specific foods that can help you last longer in bed?

The reality is that food alone won’t have the same immediate effects as medications, like lidocaine wipes. However, a healthy diet may help prevent conditions that contribute to sexual dysfunction, including PE. For example, magnesium is thought to play a role in male sexual health. Research has shown that men with premature ejaculation often have lower levels of magnesium in their semen. Although the relationship between vitamins, minerals, and PE isn’t fully established, ensuring adequate magnesium intake might be beneficial. You can increase your magnesium levels by consuming magnesium-rich foods such as leafy green vegetables, nuts, beans, and whole-grain cereals.

If you regularly experience PE, especially if it’s affecting your sexual satisfaction, it’s never too early to seek medical advice. A healthcare professional can suggest behavioral therapies, such as working with a sex therapist, or consider medication if your symptoms do not improve.

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